Giving effective feedback is a discipline that takes practice. Here are a few approaches I use to stay grounded during more challenging conversations.
1. Anchor in shared purpose. When feedback feels personal, remind both of you why it matters.
“Our goal is to make sure every patron has a consistent experience. I want us to get there together.”
Having a mutual purpose reframes the conversation from "you versus me" to "us for the mission."
2. Focus on the behavior, not the person. Dial into the observable facts, not the judgements you're making about the other person.
“The last two reports were missing citations,” communicates facts.
“You’re careless,” communicates judgment.
The difference determines whether someone listens or shuts down.
3. Ask before assuming. Curiosity builds understanding.
“Help me understand what’s getting in the way,” opens dialogue far better than, “Why didn’t this get done?”
4. Close with a path forward. Every feedback conversation should end with an action, not an apology.
“Let’s try this approach for a month and check in.”